Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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