with your own penis?
If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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