you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
