12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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