I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
