If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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