Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
