got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize