my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
