Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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