Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
