So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
