We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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