Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
