At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
