whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
