We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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