There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
