I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
