Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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