I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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