well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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