yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
