Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize