You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
