At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
