You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
