yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Randomize
