Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
