I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
