May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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