I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
