I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
