you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
