I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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