My friends, they love my intelligence
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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