Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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