Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
