How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
