I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
