Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
