yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
