Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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