I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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