then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
