I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Randomize
