So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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