When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
