just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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