It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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