I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
