I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
