really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
