Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
