I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
it was like eating out sand paper
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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