i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize