Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
