Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I think people are normalizing furries
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
