We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
youre lurking in front of me
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
