I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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