oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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