Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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