this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize