I wish I could teleport
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I skipped work to stalk him.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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