I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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