Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
