She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
