I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
