Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
