I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize