Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
