Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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