tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I need to sanitize my soul.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
