plz talk dirty to me
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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