Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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